Chemicals can react only so much before they combust , if you keep adding a different one each time it will synthesize but eventually something is going to tick off the concoction and it eventually will explode . Humans a very similar… We are like empty vessels that are constantly filled with experiences and hardships .. There’s only so much we can take before the one day we combust and empty our vessel all to prepare for the experiences and hardships we have yet to endure …
By know you can guess the predator constantly after the arc of my wrist was Rameez ….
Me: WHAT do you want Rameez ?
Rameez: so now your talking to me ?( his gaze storming me like I’m some sort of convict )
Me : let go of my hand !
Rameez: Amaani…. those feisty blue eyes don’t scare me … (smirk)
Me : let me go Rameez , I will scream !
Rameez : You really wana try that ? ( and he grasped my wrist tighter )
So I struggled a bit because at this point… after my conversation with Zara of the pro’s and con’s concerning Rameez , I wasn’t comfortable with him getting to me once again ! He was hurting me and after I told him he realized what he was doing and let go and without meeting his gaze I fled from there and walked to the mall parking where I decided to wait for Zara . The common fact about Rameez or well the only decent thing is he that he at least followed me .. I really hope to apologize !
Rameez: Your running !
Me : I’m avoiding !
Rameez: what’s wrong with you ?
So I turned to face him and I know Musgrave parking lot ain’t the best place for a breakdown but my vessel was erupting and there was no stopping here ?
Me : me ? What’s wrong with me ? It’s you ! … I’m so tired Rameez ! Tired of being there when I don’t know what for … Tired of you never being there … Tired of the fact that I trust you so blindly it eats me … It’s like your a disease , constantly infecting … Your destroying and your just taking everything … Like frikken bacteria !
I know it’s apt but first week campus notes kept flashing through my head when I was venting my frustration… I guess part of my stress was also studying and how my Pharmacy studies were going to progress for me ….
Rameez: (giggle) who knew first semester pharmacy could help you be so metaphorical !
Me : it’s not funny , nothing is … But of course everything is just hilarious to you ! You don’t understand … I don’t know you … It’s like your Facebook page is my get to know you because you never say anything , I don’t even know what’s your favorite color ?
Rameez : that’s easy … Blue …. The colour of your stunning eyes …
I understand I’m making a poor argument , but I was never really good at this … He drives me nuts ! He will never let me in , I will never know what’s on his mind , it’s like his signed an NDA( non disclosure agreement ) With himself! … So even if I did tell him everything , I doubt he would even get that ! But how do you fight with someone who pretends not to understand anything your saying ! Can he be that blunt !
Me : (sigh) your’ll never get it will you ?
And I looked down to the floor all dark and concrete , that’s how i felt , like my world was closing in all pitch black …. Like how they describe it in books the lump in your throat , the heavy breathing from screaming representing your fallen flag , that your giving up … What could get worse ?
And it got worse ….
The gleeful sound of a teenager screaming ‘Rameez’ … As she ran looking like she was going to hug the love of her life but instead she mainly jumped on him with an embrace that shattered whatever restrain I had left ….
NAZIA! … Yess! the self absorbed mothers best friends daughter had her hands on him , in that very same parking lot where I voiced my concerns and the very same place I was shot down to figurative heart failure … So having whatever self esteem I had left I decided to leave … My mind was blurred … Nothing made sense .. I couldn’t process what just happened or what’s happening .. I was light headed and I just wanted to leave .. So I did .
Rameez : Amaani …
Nazia : ( after Rameez breaking her moment where she tried to super glue herself to him ) … Look Who didn’t take out the trash ! ( while she looked at me as if she never noticed me there earlier)
And I walked off not turning back at either one of them to find Zara and hopefully In time il know better … Because right now I’m just numb …
P.s : I would like to give a huge thank you to all my viewers and inspired blogs, which helped me write this ( Diary of a Guji Girl ) ( ohjustateenagegirl) … Also I’ve started a twitter account , you can tweet : @Relatable1011 ( the relatable101 was occupied, my apologies ) … It will help voice your concerns , give me insight to what you would like to see in the future of relatable101 and also team up on your favorite couple or character … Much Love …xoxo A